Amateur Night

Another year has passed. The best parts of 2005 were the White Sox, improvement of personal health and no health issues of consequence among family and friends.

Now it is time for the ritual partying. Some party at bars or restaurants where the prices have been jacked up for the occasion. Other go to friends' homes where the partying is usually pretty lame. Still others go to expensive mega-parties at hotels that are the world's largest meat markets. Most will drink responsibly, many will clog the roadways with blood alcohol levels of lethal proportions.

I tended bar on the Street of Dreams in Chicago during my twenties. I worked twelve hours every NY Eve. I have had enough out with the old, in with the new. December 31st is just another reminder that we are getting older and our appointment with the grim reaper is that much closer.

Like most Greater Chicago-Milwaukee-land Area parents with children, DW and I will stay home and safely watch the ball drop in New York at 11pm. Probably be asleep by midnight.

Hey, I need to get up at 6 with the dogs.

2006 Goals

After some sober reflection, I believe I have come up with reasonable 2006 goals.

1) Improve fitness. I will continue to spin 4 days a week, run 3 days, join the Sunday night swim club for 6 weeks this winter, Pilates twice a week and do weight training 3 days a week. The new twist here is the swimming. I am not a very good swimmer. It is more like controlled flailing. People of Polish descent are not very buoyant.
(Meanwhile I dread the descent of 500 New Year's Resolutioners on my gym this coming week.)

2) Understand my wife and daughters better. It is a female world, I am just living in it.

3) Work at something I enjoy. I just finished a 12,000 word chapter book designed for kids in 3rd to 6th grade. I am going to try to sell it and write another. My daughters thought it was pretty damn good. The day job I ultimately get will be something I enjoy, not just a grind.

4) Only three goals? Believe me, less is more in this case.

Mini-motorcycles

The 11 yr old gomerNeighbor kids got mini-motorcycles for X-Mas. One is a mini mini and the other is like the one in the picture. I got to listen to them ride up and down the street all day today. The local municipal code prohibits the operation of these vehicles on village streets and sidewalks.
My moral dilemma for today, do I leave a copy of the code on their windshield wiper asking them to stop, or do I mind my own business? If I leave the note and they do not stop, do I call the authorities? They live four doors down, and I don't know them anyway. They moved in this past summer. developing...

On England!

I bought myself this England World Cup jersey last week in *England* at EPCOT to further enhance my role as footie poseur. It looks damn nice on me, too. It cannot be worn for more than four hours at a time because the polyester picks up body odors like there is no tomorrow. Maybe that is why euro-trash wannabe's wear it, to be authentic.

Mary Kate Moss to All!

Sorry, Christmas leaves me cold. The gifting is excessive, the kids are at their greedy little worst and no one wants to offend non-Xians. School Christmas parties became Holiday Parties. Now they are Winter Parties. Not good enough for 7th Day Adventists, who demand their children do not participate in parties of any kind. It is all humbug.
But thanks for the card, anyhoo, ListGod.

Bears + Packers = X-Mas

Update Dec 26th: Glad I was wrong- the Bears DID score 24 points like I wanted and did comport themselves like a playoff team. Kudos! - TLR -

At four pm Central on Christmas Day, the oldest rivalry in the NFL is renewed. The circle of life has dictated that the Bears be on the upswing this season, having now won ten games and lost only four, mainly because of the ravenous animals they call their defense. The Packers are mos def on the downswing, with a decimated offensive line, receivers that can't catch and an old cajun at quarterback.

This reporter feels the Bears are overrated as seven point favorites and that they will not cover. The offensive Bear offense may be just the meat the Packers defense craves this week. The emotion of playing on Christmas, at home, for pride only in front of a National Tee-Vee audience may carry this band of green and gold assassins to victory over the Chicagoans. Remember, when the Bears have the football they are the most boring team in pro sports. The Chicago QB is a somewhat talented and somewhat injury-prone youngster who has not played a full game in two years. Grossman may well be fagged out by the end of the first half, and that is when the injury man comes-a-callin' I am telling you what.

The Bears know that if they win, they will clinch the NFC North title, so that may be enough emotional incentive to help them overcome the insult of having to be in Green Bay on Christmas. But I doubt it. I cannot believe in this team until they show they are capable of putting up 24 points a game on a semi-regular basis. Prediction: Green Bay 13 Bears 12

More Gomer Frolicking

Here a cute little feller is jumping around the landscaping at MGM Studios (same spot the NASCAR folk were in) while mom contemplates divorcing her near-braindead husband who just spilled his beer all over his scooter.

Gomers at Disney

A few months ago I posted about NASCAR types camping out in the shrubbery at Disney's MGM Studios Theme Park. Well here is another example. Junior frolics with his sword at EPCOT among the rosebushes while grandpa Amos looks on approvingly out of the frame.
The family was waiting for dusk when the Christmas Tree would be lit. How magical.

Made It Back From Dinny World

I made it! Five days and four nights of frivolity. After so many trips I had to fortify my Lankiness with many beers purchased at the various resorts, restaurants and theme parks in order to stay sane. I mean, how many times can you ride Figment's Journey into Imagination without going mad? I spent some time taking cellphone snapshots of unusual sightings, as I generally do to relieve boredom. Well, that and looking at women's racks. Here is a pic of a lady wearing a "turkey carcass hurlers" t-shirt. A little googling revealed nothing more. I meant to ask the lady who wore the tshirt what it meant but was too afraid to do so. She was that scary looking. She had a big spherical mole barely attached by a tag of skin on one eyelid and only about five teeth that I could see.

Off to Disney World in a *gulp* Airplane.

For about the twentieth-fifth time in the last thirteen years, we are packing up and heading to Orlando. It is only a four-day getaway to escape the snow and cold, but that is better than not going at all. DW is in charge of packing her stuff and the DD's. I am in charge of the guy stuff. Usually I forget underwear (twice) socks (once) or cell phone (once.) I always forget something, which is why I cannot sleep the night before if our flight is the next morning. I worry about missing the plane or forgetting some key piece of clothing or equipment. I toss and turn and sweat all night.

Some of my most gut-wrenching recurring dreams relate to airports. I either miss my flight, get on the wrong flight or fly to Honolulu on a whim for a 2-day trip, regretting it as soon as the plane is airborne.

Other variations are A) descending and landing through high tension wires and narrow city streets, B) taking off on a ramp and then not ascending any more (dream usually ends there) C) forgetting my luggage and finally the ever-popular D) I am at the controls of a jumbo jet taking her in. This is grist for some headshrinker's mill, I am telling you what.

Saturday Saturday Saturday Saturday

Okay, enough Elton John. Today in spin class I hit myself in my privates if you know what I mean. I dropped my hands to my lap as I laughed at someone blowing her nose like a foghorn and boom goes the dynamite, I hit the boys with my knuckles. Shite, it hurt for like 5 minutes!

In a little bit we go to neighbor's 40th birthday party. It is in a restaurant with appetizers, dinner and drinks. (translation: Po the Polacko is going to eat his fill.) There is also music and dancing but fuggetaboutit. I won't dance, don't ask me. I bought the poor bastard a nice bottle of Tres Generaciones tequila and some stool softener. I thought it was a good choice.

Green Bay Should Be Outlawed

I vote we make northern Wisconsin part of Canada. Milwaukee can be the point of entry to the USA.

Today the Packers play the beloved Bears at Soldier Field.

Fearless Prediction: Sunny skies, colder than cold and the Bears beat crap out of the hapless Pack 20 to 0. Favre gets knocked out of the game.

55 is the New 35!

Happy birthday to me, one day late. I promise this will not be a "birthday musings" post.
In January I had a fitness goal to achieve by my 55th birthday. I achieved that goal. I feel lighter, I have more energy and I am motivated to take on another goal in 2006. The Real Age website says my Real Age is 45. yay.

Dear Wife and kids took me to Wildfire in Lincolnshire for dinner. The cashew crusted grouper was very good. The girls all had red meat. Then we haunted Hawthorne Mall in Vernon Hills for awhile. We stopped at various places including Scott's Sports Collectibles where I saw a man holding a Cubs trash can having a discussion with his son, who was holding a Sox can.

"Dad, can I get this?"
"No, how about a Cubs trash can?"
"I want the Sox one."
"I am not going to buy a Sox one. How about a Bears one?"
"But the Sox won the World Series."
Me: "Hard to argue with that logic, dad."
Dad gives me a look of sheer despair.

I leave the store with a White Sox Santa hat and a White Sox World Series clock. The pile of Sox swag grows.

Magnificent Mile Parade = Bad

The family trekked down to downtown Chicago to see a Disney theme park commercial, ostensibly a 25 minute free Holiday Show. We stood in the shadows of the Wrigley and Tribune buildings, watching Disney characters and dancers lip synch the entire show. It was okay, the kids liked it.

Then it was off to the Fairmont to see a two hour Disney Timeshare presentation, nicely packaged as a reception for current Disney Vacation Club owners, complete with free hot pupus and a bar. My daughter cried when I did not drop an additional $11,000 for more DVC points so she could get the Princess Aurora lithograph.

Next, we stopped at a condo Open House next door to look at how Chicagoans can live in the heart of downtown. Pretty nice, actually, and not overly expensive at $200 thousand for a studio with no view.

After that we moseyed onto Michigan Avenue to watch the Magnificant Mile Parade across from the Disney Store. A worse parade was never seen. No music, some characters, no charm. Short and not-so-sweet. Oh well. the kids were happay as we trudged back to AlmostWisconsin with bags of Disney swag and American Girl clothes, including an Irish Dance outfit for a doll that cost $28.

Post-World Series Glow

I must say I have an aura of contentment around me these days. It has been a very pleasant off-season so far. I have been arguing with my mates about politics and the Bears instead of worrying what the Chairman and his minions are doing this off season to improve the World Champion White Sox. Meanwhile did I hear that the sales of White Sox World Series merchandise has eclipsed the sale of 2004 Red Sox stuff? Can it be?

Joseph Pilates

A pretty cool cat who invented an exercise regimin that increases both strength and flexibility. It is hard to do correctly. If it hurts, it is being done incorrectly.

Physical fitness is the first requisite of happiness. In order to achieve happiness, it is imperative to gain mastery of your body. If at the age of 30 you are stiff and out of shape, you are old. If at 60 you are supple and strong then you are young."
Joseph Hubertus Pilates

Thanksgiving Looms

The annual ritual of practicing the Deadly Sin of Gluttony is coming up quickly. This is another celebration I don't care much for. Maybe back in the day families actually gave thanks to God on the last Thursday in November, but these days it is pretty much an excuse to either go on a mini-vacation or get started on Xmas shopping. The day itself is usually highlighted by a family get-together that includes excessive drinking, eating and sleeping in front of a TV while the womenfolk plan their Black Friday shopping strategy at the kitchen table. (I guess that is not so bad after all.)
Some families still happily congregate and renew their familial bonds, I am sure. Those have to be in the minority, just like children born in marriage and marriages that do not end in divorce.
Then there are the families that see each other reluctantly and end up getting drunk and fighting while an American football game blares in the background.
All in all, I can take it or leave it. I think my favorite Thanksgiving weekend occured in 1987 (?) when I was a rakishly handsome single guy in California. I made my own turkey, drank too much beer and fell asleep on the couch. (See, these things can be done alone, too!) Upon awakening I drove to Vegas in a fog and descended upon the Mirage for a couple days gambling, drinking and sleeping. Oh, and I gave thanks for the opportunity to be a wastrel.

Bad Nicknames

Sugar Booger.
Zu-Zu.
Fatty.
Toenails.
Soupy.
Ears.
Weasel.

Happy Hallowe'en

I hate this day. Stupid celebration. My eleven-year-olds did not even trick or treat. The eight-year-old did, but the costume was some glitter in her hair and regular clothes. She went as a "model" and begged at about twenty houses.
Gomer mini-vans from the surrounding area descended upon our neighborhood and spewed forth legions of grimy urchins bearing dirty pillowcases, hungry for as many sweets as they could lug in their scuzzy hands. They departed as quickly as they came, locust-like, focused on the next subdivision they would de-nude of all its chocolate and Laffy Taffy. It was a chilling experience, to be sure.

Fox Sports Amateurs

My DW and I had discussions during the recent World Series about how awful the television coverage was. This morning I learned that the ratings were very low and the network was complaining about it.
Fox Sports has no one to blame but themselves for the ratings. If you weren't a fan of one of these teams, how were you supposed to enjoy it? The network took a beautiful, pastoral game with all kinds of human interest and turned it into an extravaganza of advertising wrapped around awful commentary.
I felt that the World Series coverage assaulted my senses at every turn. The broadcasts contained over-long breaks between half-innings filled with loud, obnoxious commercials repeated ad nauseum.
Coverage began at the top of the hour, but with a first pitch a full forty minutes later, even die-hard fans were getting ticked off.
Network television has already ruined American football, and they are trying their damndest to do the same to baseball. I wish the producers of this shit actually had a feel for the game of baseball, because the approach would be 100% different.
Poor performance all the way up and down the line marred the presentation of the drama unfolding on the field. It was like nobody knew anything about baseball, and less about the cities involved, especially Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. The way they talked about Chicago was laughable and they totally ignored Houston as if it were Hoopeston, Illinois or something. Insane approach to the game. Buck added insult to injury with his smirky demeanor and Tim McCarver and his bad dye job had no credibility whatsoever. This is the best Fox could come up with? They were obviously the safe choice of network syncophants more afraid of losing their jobs than presenting a fresh, competent approach to a beloved game.
Layer on top of the poor production the following: The national media foolishly ignore 28 teams in the major leagues because they live in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut. Therefore the world revolves around the Yankees and Boston. If baseball made them cover all the teams the way football is covered, there would be less crying about ratings.

Is Chicago Burning?

The Chicago White Sox are the Champions of the World!

I thought Sox fans were supposed to destroy the city, if you believed the media elite. They seem pretty well-behaved.

I went to bed last night a happy man, tired but not blotto. I knew I had to get up to send the kids off to school today. My celebration was actually quite subdued. A little mist. A lot of relief. Happiness that years of frustration had vanished.

I am too old to need a lot of validation, but I still need it. The White Sox have justified my life-long interest in them. Cub fans can no longer smirk, other fans can no longer ignore. We are the champions. The only thing sweeter would be to repeat in 2006.

Brandon Backe the Next Victim?

World Series 2005 Game 4 Tonight!
Brandon, we hardly knew ye. The colorful, young, good-looking righthander has the unenviable task of stopping the von Reinsdorf Express tonight in Tricked-Up Park in Houston. One more win for the White Sox and it is curtains for Scrap Iron Garner and his boys. Sox fans everywhere are hoping for the sweep. Their livers can't take much more and they have been staying up late too much. Employers of bleary-eyed fans throughout the Greater Chicagoland Area want this over with almost as much as Cub fans do. Just do it and lets go home!

Roy Oswalt

It is Roy's turn to get the molly-oke laid on him by the WSSK staff. The Astros seem to be so concerned about whether the roof on their tricked-up trailer park is open or not, they may be forgetting they have a baseball game to win tonight. If the White Sox beat the 'Stros tonight, it may be Goodnight Nurse for the men in orange 'n black. Hallowe'en colors, by the way. Bleeaugh!
We are constantly reminded by the national press how unflappable and unhittable Roy is. I gotta think the pucker factor he is experiencing today has to be pretty intense. May the best team win.

Rocket Roger Saturday

White Sox fans get to see their heroes compete against a sure Hall of Famer Saturday when Roger Clemens takes the bump in Game One of the World Series. Here is hoping the 43 year old Clemens can't get and stay loose in the rain and cold of the late October US Cellular Field.

White Sox in World Series

By now everyone in the Americas knows that the Chicago White Sox are in the World Series for the first time since 1959 and will try to win it for the first time since 1917. Success droughts of this magnitude are not all that unusual in sports, but this one is a little different because there are no curses involved, no bad luck, no excuses for failure. Just a whole bunch of inadequately staffed baseball teams trudging through season after season without winning anything.

White Sox fans are a sorry bunch, a minority in their own city. There is no special aura around their team. They go to the park or watch games on TV not because it is the thing to do. They do it because they love their team. White Sox fans are newcomers to hope. Hope was dashed in 1919 and stomped on in 1959, 1983, 1993, 1994 and 2000. Many of us never believed this team would even make the post-season as late as September 25th; such is the lot of the Battered Sox Fan.

Clinching the Central Division gave us hope. "The Pounding of the Darlings of the East" nurtured it. "The Domination of the Thunderstickers of the West" gave it strength.

Now DW and I go to 35th and Shields to see game one of the World Series on Saturday. 46 years ago I was an 8 year old Sox fan, rushing home from school to see the end of the game on the television, knowing that my parents were there in person, lucky enough to have won a lottery for two seats. Saturday, my 8 year old Sox fan daughter will wave to DW and me as we depart for the south side 48 miles away and 46 years later to witness another game one. The Circle of Life is complete. May it keep circling, but hopefully this winning thing will become a regular habit, not a once in a lifetime thrill. A White Sox fan can now dare to hope.

Back From Cali

After a week at a secure, undisclosed location I feel tanned, rested and ready. Ready for what I could tell you on many levels were I inclined to air not only mundane day to day things but my innermost thoughts here in cyber-space. So let's stick with mundane.

We enjoyed Disneyland Resort, as it is now called. We got to see our beloved las Medias Blancas play the Angelos in Anaheim and win. We got a lot of thinking and sorting out done. The number one thing I had to think about and ultimately come to grips with is this: I am an entrepreneur and I need to follow that bliss. I cannot work for the Man unless absolutely forced to, and that would probably lead to obesity, alcoholism and early death. Frank Herbert once coined the phrase "Fear is the Mind-Killer" and that is so true.

So with more guts than money, I stop looking for the traditional "job" tomorrow. Tonight, I hope to see the Sox open a final can of whoop-ass on the reeling Halos.

WHITE SOX SWEEP!

You heard it here first, kids. The Chicago White Sox advance to the American League Championship Series.

Now for a well-deserved vacation
in a secure undisclosed location.
;-)

Feel Good Friday

Lots of excitement this weekend starting with the White Sox/Red Sox tilt at 3 pm Central Time in the old pisspot known as Fenway Park. I get to watch about an hour and a half before I need to cart the dogs off to the kennel for a nine day doggie retreat. The kennel sells extra services for small fees. They will play with your dog daily, take them for walks, give them treats, etc. all for extra dollars. I always wonder if they even bother to do it. You can even call your dog up every day and talk to it if you want. Not me. I am so sick of those two goofs I can't wait to be away from them for a while.

Saturday the family wings its way to sunny Southern California for a week of relaxation. The timing is bad because of the baseball playoffs, but who knew? I get to show the kids where I used to live and hang out back in the day. Other than that, it will be Disneyland, Disney's California Adventure and Knott's Berry Farm.

Let us pray to the baseball gods that the Red Sox are put out of their misery today. If you are from the east coast, you know that the White Sox are not winning this thing, the Red Sox are blowing it, but they will come back to win three in a row.

Iguchi Drives Bosox to Seppuku

In the greatest, most meaningful baseball game I ever saw in person, White Sox second baseman Tadahito Iguchi (pictured in his Japanese uni from last year, left) smashed a David Wells curve ball about 130 meters into the left field stands, causing 40,000 White Sox faithful to erupt in delirious joy. I must have high-fived over 100 people after the game as the crowd rolled down the exit ramps, chanting "Let's Go White Sox" over and over and over. Hopefully our heroes can nail this one down Friday and relax a bit before the next round.

Game One - White Sox! AJ! AJ! AJ!

The Chicago American League franchise beat the crap out of the Carmines of Boston yesterday. I was so nervous about the outcome I hopped on the treadmill at game time to work off the stress. When Pierzynski hit his first of two homers I almost fell off the belt during my jumping up and down and clapping and doing my best Hawk Harrelson imitation. Had I fallen and critically injured myself, I would have died, since I was the only one home.

Forty-six years ago in 1959 I was eight years old the last time the Sox won a home playoff game. Yesterday, my eight year old daughter saw them do it again.

A supposedly washed-up pitcher that that Sox aquired the year before from the contending Cleveland Indians, Early Wynn, won game one. Yesterday, a supposedly washed-up Jose Contreras, aquired last year from the Yankees in an apparent salary dump. won game one.

In 1959 a big bulging polack named Ted Kluszewski hit two home runs in game one to lead the Sox to an 11-0 rout. Yesterday, a big smart-ass polack with a penchant for kicking people in the nuts, AJ Pierzynski, hit two home runs to lead the Sox to a 14-2 rout.

Let us hope the similarities end there, and the 2005 edition of las Medias Blancas has more success than the 1959 squad.

Battle of the Sox!

The American League Division Series (stupid name) begins today and it features my favorite team, the White Sox, against a team I used to tolerate, almost like. Red Sox. I don't like the Red Sox anymore because they have become too Cub-like. You can boil down the similarities easily: "obnoxious long-suffering fans, the Curse and an oldcrumblyShrinelikeballpark that smells of urine."

I will be watching the game from the confines of my basement. In order to keep my sanity and to keep from going into convulsions or vomiting, I will be jogging on the treadmill. This is a new idea I concocted this morning. I will work off the stress as it occurs, banishing unhealthy humours before they can take root.

The ESPN coverage should be a total joke. Chris Berman will mention the 1919 World Series at least twice. Then he will segue into how the White Sox do not draw well, and are the second team in Chicago where everybody loves the long-suffering Cubs. Then he will compare Wrigley Field to US Cellular Field. The Cell will be cast in a dismal light by comparison. Then the camera will focus on the Fisk statue on the beautiful centerfield concourse and Berman will wax poetic on Pudge's career as a Red Sox.

Ex-Cub Rick Sutcliffe will gush all over BoSox pitcher Matt Clement and ignore White Sox pitcher Jose Contreras while Mike Piazza (what the hell is HE doing here?) will try not to sound too homosexual, basically saying nothing except "How about that Manny Ramirez?" or "What can you say about Big Papi?" (David Ortiz) or "That ball went a long way!"

Now that you have listened to my broadcast predictions, here is a baseball one: White Sox sweep in three games and Red Sox Nation is shocked.

New Watch Lost, Found

Dear Wife bought me a Citizen's Stiletto watch for our anniversary. It has the eco drive feature that enables it to run on solar power. I had not worn it much, so DW said: "Leave it out so it charges in the open." I took this to mean that I should put it out on the trunk of my car with the garage door open so it could soak up some sun on Friday.

I couldn't find it this morning. Suddenly it dawned on me with sickening clarity that I left it on the car, which I drove a couple times since Friday afternoon. You guessed it. I found it in about eight gnarled pieces on the street in front of my house. Unrepairable would be an understatement.

In typical sit-com fashion, I hid the pieces, found the watch on the internet and ordered a new one. Hopefully DW will not want me to wear it to my brother's party today, like she would if my life were a sit-com. Well, MORE like a sit-com.

Another Month Past

I have been unemployed for 3 months now. Not really unemployed; I putter around the house and feed the dogs and children. I have some utility. The family keeps me around mostly because I can reach high shelves, lift heavy objects and kill spiders.

It is now October 1st and I am not any closer to being employed than I was July 1st. Potential clients have dragged their feet on making a decision, as they are wont to do. I think it is commonly accepted organizational theory that companies wait until the last possible moment to make the least risky and least disruptive decision based upon personal political considerations rather than facts. Using this decision-making process, the organization is guaranteed spending money to achieve no results, because everyone is afraid of change anyway.

I have an interview Wednesday morning. It is with a healthcare company that is looking for contoller-type help. I am not a controller, but I have done various and sundry accounting related projects over the years. Intellectually, I can do the job standing upon my big fat head, but the grunt work aspect of the position appalls me. Ugh, ugh and ugh. I am going to interview so they can see my smiling face and hear what a brilliant guy I really am in hopes that, when I turn down this position, they realize they need me for something more challenging, although what that may be I haven't a clue.

The White Sox pulled a division title out of what orifice I do not know, but if they can pull 11 wins out of said aperture in the post-season, I will be happy, however I do not want to be privy to what acts of deviltry they may resort to in the locker room to ensure victory.

I am supposed to begin teaching accounting on the college level in 24 days. I am so uninspired by the prospect that I have prepared nothing for the class as of yet. I expended a lot of energy just getting the correct username and password with which to access my "course shell" on the internet. I purused the website for about ten minutes and then logged off, exhausted.

I have been thinking about opening a retail bicycle store in partnership of some kind with a friend of mine. It sounds like heaps of fun, but I need to do my homework to make sure I don't lose several assorted shirts in the pursuit of a fore-doomed dream. This prospect is the best I have.

Last but not least, my workout regimin goes on. I got down to a low of 206 this month, but now hover at 209, plateaued once more. I feel good and people tell me I look good, so that provides impetus for continued sweat production. I am thinking of joining a Sunday night swim club.

But enough about me.

Three Weeks

It has been three drudgery-laden weeks since my friend left for England. I have not heard from her since she left, so that tells me something right there. LOL
I am still unemployed, so that adds to my misery.
...and my baseball team is choking away the 2005 season. Oh well.

Getting In Shape #7

Today I reached a milestone 20 years in the making. I have this old belt that I wore back in 1985 when I was 185 pounds. It was exactly 20 years ago this month that I flew to California to explore moving out there. I was in pretty good shape at the time.
Now I am 207, so I reckon I have 22 pounds of muscle I did not have back then, or my fat head has grown 22 lbs worth. I will guess the head.

Getting In Shape #6

I don't feel well and I'm kind of depressed because my friend is leaving Wednesday. That will leave me high and dry on three fronts: childcare, companionship and workouts. I am down to 209 this week, having lost 33 flabby,sloppy ugly pounds (15 kilos) since January 1st. I don't exactly know how I lost another pound this week since I backed off an additional day with the start of the kids' school.
I am kicking some butt in spinning class, and will reward myself with a pair of spin shoes this September.
Still no job, but the interview I endured presented an interesting consulting opportunity that could fund the launch of a new business. I really do NOT want to work for somebody else.
On another front, I agreed to teach accounting Weds nights at the DeVry University campus here in AlmostInWisconsinVille.
Stay Positive. Wherever you go, there you are.

Horrors! Job Interview!

Job interview next Monday. After 8 weeks of idyllic rest, I am actually going to see someone about gainful employment. Maybe I will be lucky and like the smell of what their cooking.

Getting in Shape #5

I am down to 211 lbs this week, a total weight loss of 31 lbs since January 1st. I backed off of training one day a week because I felt I was overdoing it.
Monitor your heart rate to help you determine if you may be overtraining. If your heart rate is elevated during rest, or if you have difficulty raising and lowering your heart rate during aerobic exercise, it might be time to back off the schedule.
I also have shed 8 inches from my waist since January, and the benefits of that are huge. My clothes fit again. I have disposed of all my fat guy clothes.
I still want to get down to under 200 by my 55th birthday in December. I seem to be well on my way. My training partner leaves for England on August 31st. It will be an immeasurable loss to me, not only because of the training implications, but I have become very attached to her. She has been a great companion this summer and I wish her all the best.

This Doesn't Look Right

I went to the Big Box store to get some stuff. I swiped my credit card in the machine. I signed for the purchase with the stylus on the device's little screen. The cashier asked to see my credit card. She compared signatures.
"This doesn't look right. Can I see an I.D?"
Flummoxed, I produced my driving license.
"I need to get the manager. None of these signatures match."
"Come on!" I retorted, angrily I admit. "How can any of these signatures match? One is written on paper on a desk and then copied to the license. One is written with a sharpie on a little box on the credit card. Be careful not ot cover the three digit code! The third is written with a stylus and no support for my hand."
She looked again. "Close enough."
I went home.

Hoodwinked!

I mentioned to the Dear Wife that I wanted to fix up the den. Being unemployed at present, I have time to spiff things up around Dustmite Manor. Normally, I avoid servile work at all costs, not only on Sunday, but all other days as well. I can't remember exactly when I last mowed a lawn. My guys do it. I seldom wash my car. That is for the car wash guys. I do not paint. I hate it. I really abhor it.
Naturally DW had to hoodwink me into painting the den. We bought new furniture for it and I moved out all the old garbage, books, computer crap, etc. We picked out paint, and did not hire the painter (who is one of my best pals as well) because DW and Dear Nanny both said they loved to paint and would pitch in to do. Needless to say the furniture is coming in a week and I just got finsihed priming the damn room.
Don't listen to the pimply-faced kid behind the paint counter at Home Depot when he tells you one gallon of tinted primer would be enough to do a 12x12 room. Two and a half gallons later, I finally got the needed coverage. The walls had only the contractor paint on them from when the house was built nine years ago. I knew they would soak up paint like crazy, but I did not anticipate how thirsty they would be.
Today I finished touching up the primer and am ready to begin the first coat, Cottonwood by Ralph Lauren. It will go on two walls and the ceiling. RL Kauai Jungle will go on the other two walls.
DW once more shows me she is smarter than I am. She is gallavanting in Cleveland for a couple days. I am performing servile work.

Getting In Shape #4

Down to 214 lbs, a total loss of 28 pounds since the beginning of the year. It helps when you can spend 10-12 hours in the gym each week. I am eating two pretty good meals a day, and having a couple adult beverages each night, so there is room to ratchet down the calorie intake.
I need to check with the ListGod on my sodium intake. He has me chewing salt tablets all day, but I draw the line at his daily sodium enema suggestion.
My workout partner leaves for the UK on August 31 and that could be a major blow to my regimen. Let's see how far I get by 8-31 and worry about next steps when the time comes.

Cubs Lose!

Anyone else hope the D'backs sweep the Cubs this weekend? My hatred of the Cubs and their Lemming Fans is both petty and immature...so?

Gettin In Shape # 3

Okay, don't hate me but I keep losing weight. 216 today. Doing 11 hours a week in the gym. Weights, spin, running. I am also ravenously hungry. 26 pounds gone since the first of the year. 18 more to go. Enjoying a nice Balvenie tonight as a reward.
...or maybe two, yum.

Being Unemployed

There is a funny thing about people watching when you are unemployed. The people are invariably mommies or old folks. I went to the Jewels this morning for some groceries and got the heebie jeebies from seeing all these seniors shuffling around. It was almost as if I somehow got stuck in a parallel universe where eveybody was ancient. Is that what I am going to look like in 20 years? Hope I die before I get old. (That was done by The Who, right?)

Who Did "My Generation?" Who. Yeah, Who?

I am such a music troglodyte sometimes it makes me laugh. The new fangled radios that display the artist and song have been helping me get hip. Up until yesterday I thought "Walk of Life" was done by that Springsteen guy. Imagine my surprise that iit is Dire Straits. duuhh

Get In Shape Update #2

Despite some adult bevvies Friday night, I weighed 218 this morning, another new low. Friday I stayed away from the gym but ran 3 miles. Today was an off day. My heartrate is around 80 right now, so I may have been over-training a tad. I will see what it is like tomorrow after golf.

Get in Shape Update #1

At the beginning of 2005, I had 242.5 lbs packed onto my 6'2" frame. My quack told me to lose weight or die, so I decided to get in shape. The local gym in my hometown has a wide variety of exercise classes. My favorites are Muscle Works/Coreboard and the Spinning classes.

Today I took Pilates for the first time. Now I know why women live longer than men on average. I am usually the only male in Muscle Works, and one of a few in Spinning. Most of the guys at the Club are overweight but they insist on playing raquetball or basketball. A few regulars use the free weights. We don't have a lot of body builder types at all. Some of the guys use the treadmills or stairmasters, but usually they employ incorrect form, holding on the rails.

So far this year I have lost 22 pounds (10 kilos) and about five inches off my waist. My goal is to get to 199 by year end if possible, but no later than next March 26 when we are off on vacation. A secondary goal is to get off this blood pressure med. It's good to have goals.

Harry Potter is EVIL!!!!

Good Christ Almighty! (No irony intended) With all the horrid problems pressuring our world these days, the Catholic Church finds time to blast harmless children's books because their mythologies clash with those of the church.

I am not surprised by this garbage. Liberal Christianity/Conservative Christianity. Islam. No diff. They all require belief in myths supported only by the convoluted logic of 1st millenium thinkers. And Judaism, the root of them, promotes belief in a vengeful interventionist supreme being that continually kicks your ass. I have no use for any of them. Except Mother Mary. From what I know of her, she was pretty cool.

What the World Needs

Another blog! Welcome to Wrong Side of the Saw Kerf, my personally twisted view of the world. I do not know where this blog will take me (well, wherever you go, there you are anyway) but it is a good time for me to start one because I am NEWLY UNEMPLOYED and enjoying the summer.