Battle of the Sox!

The American League Division Series (stupid name) begins today and it features my favorite team, the White Sox, against a team I used to tolerate, almost like. Red Sox. I don't like the Red Sox anymore because they have become too Cub-like. You can boil down the similarities easily: "obnoxious long-suffering fans, the Curse and an oldcrumblyShrinelikeballpark that smells of urine."

I will be watching the game from the confines of my basement. In order to keep my sanity and to keep from going into convulsions or vomiting, I will be jogging on the treadmill. This is a new idea I concocted this morning. I will work off the stress as it occurs, banishing unhealthy humours before they can take root.

The ESPN coverage should be a total joke. Chris Berman will mention the 1919 World Series at least twice. Then he will segue into how the White Sox do not draw well, and are the second team in Chicago where everybody loves the long-suffering Cubs. Then he will compare Wrigley Field to US Cellular Field. The Cell will be cast in a dismal light by comparison. Then the camera will focus on the Fisk statue on the beautiful centerfield concourse and Berman will wax poetic on Pudge's career as a Red Sox.

Ex-Cub Rick Sutcliffe will gush all over BoSox pitcher Matt Clement and ignore White Sox pitcher Jose Contreras while Mike Piazza (what the hell is HE doing here?) will try not to sound too homosexual, basically saying nothing except "How about that Manny Ramirez?" or "What can you say about Big Papi?" (David Ortiz) or "That ball went a long way!"

Now that you have listened to my broadcast predictions, here is a baseball one: White Sox sweep in three games and Red Sox Nation is shocked.